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Hell hath no fury like a woman partially boned. So yeah, sometimes I fake my orgasms.

Deal with it, honey. Really, I am.

Like, sometimes I will add gratuitous difficulties to my sex life just to try to wring some elwell-MI party sex of serotonin reward out of the charade. For instance, I will go out wearing a fedora or put on 3 baggy sweatshirts or act poor or something, just to make it a little more difficult to get laid.

Yuck, bros, yuck. Nazi Zombie Army 2.

Real talk, guys? Every swinging dick out there knows what I am talking.

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When I am having a three-way, I want it to count for something, on an emotional level. So ladies, if you see a tall, chiseled, charismatic dude at the bar, do him a favor and buy HIM a drink because his resources are seriously drained from having to fuck all of you as it is. I hardly sleep!

I mean sure it helps to be independently wealthy haha jobs lul! I order 5-hour Energy by the pallet on Amazon, no shit. Anyway, thanks for listening.

It feels really good to get this load off my chest. But seriously, if you want a load on your chest and are a 8.

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This has never happened to me, but I can tell you from experience, bros, that the opposite is much, much worse. More From Thought Catalog.

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